The Art of Praise Part 1 - Discerning Effective from Ineffective Praise

Praise, as defined by Webster, is to approve, esteem, or even prize someone/something. Even with this innocuous definition, there is an ongoing debate on the efficacy of praise – studies show praise is helpful or unhelpful, influential or manipulative, healing or harmful, increases self esteem or damages it. Everyone has probably experienced both sides of this: received praise that felt wonderful, motivating and reinforcing; and received praise that felt deadening, de-motivating and even disgusting.

How could we screw that up? How can both be true? How can praise be both effective and ineffective at the same time?

Look back at those two praises you received, and let’s look at some elements that made the praise good – or bad. Probably, your perception made all the difference. The praise you saw as effective was perceived as:

• True – the praise was for something you did.
• Sincere – you believed the person meant what he said.
• Deserved – you believed that the praise was for something praiseworthy.
• Meaningful – you cared what the other person thought.

The praise that you saw as ineffective was probably perceived as:

• False – you didn’t do it, or it was luck or chance.
• Insincere – the other person had ulterior motives.
• Undeserved – the praise was for something you saw as easy or insignificant.
• Meaningless – you couldn’t have cared less what that person thought.

Much of what is called ‘praise’ in group settings fails one or all of these four tests. Part of the problem may be linked to issues around operationalizing praise. When we train people in organizational settings to praise others, we often have an overriding goal in mind – reinforcing wanted behaviors, fostering self esteem, creating a positive and influential environment. The goals are important, helpful and therapeutic – but using praise for these reasons renders it ineffective and will not move these goals forward.

Here are some guidelines for using praise statements well.

Is it True? Did she have something to do with success, or was it a fluke, randomness, or unconnected? Only attribute success when you can point out the behavior that led to the success – so it can be repeated.

Is it Sincere? Did you mean it, or is it a rote, knee-jerk response? Is this something you believe and care about, or were you told to say more nice things, and you are just putting in some filler words?

Is it Deserved? Was the event, task, or behavior worthy of praise from you? For example, did he expend effort, show creativity, accomplish something new, or improve in some way?

Is it Meaningful to him? Are you a person whose opinion matters? Does he see you as trustworthy and honest?

If you abide by these criteria, then nearly any praise statement you use will, in fact accomplish other goals: reinforcing wanted behaviors, fostering self esteem, or creating a positive and influential environment. These must be an effect, not a cause; when you praise because it is true and you believe it, then your belief makes it real and helpful.

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