The Art of Praise Part 2: Eight Tools for Sincere and Effective Praise

In part 1, there were four criteria to evaluate the difference between effective and ineffective praise. However, even if you praise using those criteria, your ability to impact others will be limited if you praise at the wrong time, or only ever say, “Good job.”

1. Recognize Praiseworthy Events. For something to be completely worthy of praise, it has to be for a new or difficult job that has been completed and done well. That means we shouldn’t praise something that is too easy (for that person), wasn’t finished, or was done poorly – to do so simply cheapens the value of the praise. Saying “Good job!” might work – but it also can backfire as insincere or routine. Your first task is to look at each individual around you, and determine what is praiseworthy for him or her.

Then, you must look for opportunities to use one (or more) of these seven praise statements:

2. Detailed Praise. Perhaps the job is not finished, but there is a portion that was done well, or done uniquely by that person. Praise the element that was praiseworthy. “Tabitha – you did a good job keeping your temper under control during that difficult situation.” This works even when other things have gone wrong. She will know that you were paying attention, that you care about her accomplishments without comparing them to others, and she will know what she did that deserves praise.

3. Appreciation. “Thank you for what you did, Jamal.”Saying this is one important element – you should tell someone how you feel when he contributes or performs well. An equally important element is to tell him when you appreciate his characteristics – what he uniquely brings to the situation: “Toni, I really appreciate it when your humor lightens everyone up.”

Not all praise can be for a job well done, if you waited for that, some people would never get praised! Here are some praise statements that can be used sincerely and effectively even if the job is not finished, or done well.

4. Encouragement. This is how you support someone during the event – “Keep going.” “You’re almost there, Bella.” “Keep it up.” Think of something that you really worked at to accomplish; many times it was the encouragement from others that helped you keep going to achieve your goals.

5. Confidence. Sometimes people look to you for guidance, and demonstrating that you believe in someone’s effort and ability can make all the difference, even if they are not quite ready to believe in themselves: “Jose, I know you can do that.” “I believe in you.”

6. Effort. Results are totally irrelevant. If a noteworthy effort was made, note it. “I know that was hard for you, but you kept trying.” “You worked extra hard on that.” Even if it was easy for you, not everyone has your skill set, and you need to recognize the effort other people take.

7. Contribution. Socialized people feel valued when they have something to give to others. Someone might not recognize how much she contributes. This lets you illuminate what may be obvious to you, but not to her. “When you share your knowledge, you really make a difference to the other people here.”

8. Going Over the Top. Often, when someone makes a mistake, we re-examine it over and over again, but if he does something right, we say “Good job!” and it is never mentioned again! For the people who live in this world of praise deficit, you have to put in extra effort: praise them quickly, thoroughly, publicly and often. You may have years of negative reinforcers to overcome!